To Lose My Self

Self.  It is the problem of every temporal man.  By nature we are all "self" oriented.  We are by nature very self-protective.  The basic instinct of man is to survive.  If you look at society around us today, and sadly, much of the church world, selfishness is rampant.  We want to do what we want do, when we want to do it, in the way we want to do it, and we don't want anyone else telling us what, when or how.  We have gone far beyond the survival instinct into a mode where all that matters is what the individual desires.

The muse for this post came from a friend who made a statement that caught my attention in a paper about the problem of suffering in the world.  She was talking about the Buddhist approach to suffering--the four noble truths, which basically acknowledge that suffering does exist and say that it is a result of desire and may be eliminated by eliminating desire.  The "ultimate Buddhist" basically trains himself out of himself by suppressing all desire and focusing on the elimination of self.  This friend, however, made the statement that to eliminate self completely is to do away with "the self that loves as well as the self that hates."

This struck me.  Obviously I am not a Buddhist, but how close is our own teaching to this idea of self-elimination?  As part of the Conservative Holiness Movement, I grew up hearing about the "death route," "dying to self," "dying like an ol' yeller dog," etc., etc.  You get the idea.  Quite honestly, though, these terms are extremely unattractive, and if you take them purely at definition value, you have what looks like an attempt at a shortcut to destination Perfect Buddhist.  Wow...I know...heresy.  But read on; all is not lost.

What, then is the answer?  If we lose our self-identity, do we lose the self that loves as well as the self that hates?  The answer for Buddhism is yes.  It seems to me that the Buddhist attempt at self-eradication is in itself a selfish desire.  This pursuit focuses only on the person.  There is no love for others.  One person feels that they must attain a certain level of spirituality; therefore, they put aside everything and everyone else and focus only on themselves, or rather, eliminating themselves.  While self is eliminated, it is for a selfish purpose...which defeats the purpose.

So what about Christianity?  If we, as Christians, lose our self-identity, do we lose the self that loves as well as the self that hates?  I would be so bold as to say yes.  There is, however, an extremely important nuance that makes all the difference in the world.  We lose our selves for the purpose of gaining Christ.  Paul said,

My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.  (Galations 2:20 NLT)

See, in reality, our human love is so temporal and self-centered that it really counts for very little anyway.  This is the reason we see so much strife and hatred prevalent in our world today, so much divorce and so many broken families and relationships.  Selfish people cannot love unselfishly.  So it is that even Christians must lose the self that loves along with the self that hates.

The beauty of it is that we lose ourselves so that we may gain Christ.  When that happens we gain His ability to love, which is far greater than any that we could ever have on our own.  It is the love of Christ in us that enables us to love God, our neighbours, friends, family, spouse, children, enemies, etc. as we ought.  Human nature says that I love as long as someone is worthy of that love.  Christ nature says that I love no matter what.  Human nature says that I take care of my needs above anything else.  Christ nature says that I take care of the needs of others first and let Him worry about my needs.

The core idea of the elimination of self is necessary.  The Buddists got that right.  But the problem is that they eliminate self without replacing it with anything.  Christ calls Christians to a "death route," to put it in classic terminology, so that there is space for Him to fill us and flood us with Himself.

I mentioned earlier that some of the familiar terms of the CHM are rather objectionable and hard.  While this is not always bad, perhaps it would be better communicated this way.  Christ calls us to a completely surrender ourselves to Him so that He may break us, remold us, shape us and fill us with Himself.  Though it may be painful at times, when He is done, we will be friends of the Father and images of Christ to the world.

So don't hold back.  Lose yourself.  Lose the self that hates.  It will be freeing.  Lose the self that loves, and find yourself filled with the One who truly loves.