To Live To Die

Tonight I feel the need to die.

Not in a physical sense of course.  That is not for me to decide, and I'd just as soon live awhile longer.  But in a spiritual sense…I need to die.  There are some things pulling on my heart that must be surrendered to Christ.  My will on these matters must be given up.  I sense a struggle inside--a struggle between my own way and the way of Christ.  See…the interesting thing about it is, I don't even know that what I want is something contrary to the will of God.  Really I don't even know for sure that I want what I think I may want.  But I feel that the issue is not so much what I want as that I want it.  There is a struggle inside that says, "If you don't take this opportunity, you're going to miss it, and there will never be anything better."  But I don't feel the go ahead from God on these things. 

And so…I must die.  My dreams must be sacrificed so that they will not be in the way of God's greater plans.  For all I know, the things I want are included in God's plan at some point, but they may not be.  If not, I know He has something far better than anything I can conjure up.  I would hate to miss God's best because I wouldn't give up my little dreams.

See part of the reason I need to die is because the fact that I'm scared of missing a "once-in-a-lifetime" opportunity indicates a lack of trust in God--an attitude that says God may not update me on some step I should be taking.  It's putting myself above God in a sense because it's saying that I may know better than Him or that there is something I should know that He's not telling me. 

A walk with Christ demands my full allegiance, my unquestioning surrender, my resolute trust.  It requires a death to my desires, plans, and the things I think would be best.  But through this death is the path to life--life that will be more fulfilling than anything I have ever known.  Only believe….

"I have died, but Christ lives in me. And I now live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave his life for me."  (Galatians 2:20 CEV)