Observing

It's been a weird couple of days.  The main reason is because I've never spent this much time here after school was out to see how quiet it gets.  The quiet doesn't bother me, though.  I like quiet and aloneness.  After a semester of being with people almost all the time (or at least always having people around) I enjoy time to myself when I don't have to worry about other people being around.  So…it's not the quiet really that makes me feel the way I do right now. 

I miss people.  I know…I just said that the quiet doesn't bother me, and it really doesn't.  No, what I miss are those close friends that make this place a good place to be.  I like Hobe Sound, but what makes really good is my friends—my second family.  So now, with my friends gone, it's as though a part of my family left. 

Part of it, too, is that I know things will never be quite the same again.  10:15ish rolls around and I think about how if it were during the school year, I could run over to girls dorm to see if anything was going on, or grab a cup of coffee with a couple people, or maybe even just work on a paper, but with the knowledge that tomorrow I'd see my friends.  I don't have the school schedule of next semester to look forward to. 

I know.  One is not supposed to miss school.  But I'm going to miss a lot of aspects of school.  Not just the work, though there are parts of that that I will probably miss.  I will miss most the constant interaction with my peers.  And I hope that next year won't change too much, even though I won't be in school and I won't be in the dorm anymore. 

Anyway, enough melancholy rambling for tonight.  Life is good.  And tomorrow I go to celebrate the marriage of two of my friends. :)  So many happy melancholy times lately….

Come As You Are

Louder than the voice

that whispers you're unworthy.

Hear the sound of love

that tells a different story,

Shattering your darkness

and pushing through the lies.

How tenderly he calls you, 

His arms are open wide.

You can come as you are, 

with all your broken pieces 

And all your shameful scars.

The pain you hold in your heart, 

bring it all to Jesus.

You can come as you are.

Taken from "Come As You Are" by Pocket Full of Rocks

Tonight's the Night

It's 6:00 pm on Friday night, May 20, 2011.  In approximately an hour I will take the first step of march that will take me to the end of one chapter of life and the start of another.  It feels like a churn inside my heart as I look forward to next year and the rest of my life with excitement, but there are also twinges of sadness, premonitions of missing my friends, and bits of fear at the unknown.  I'm ready to graduate.  But I'm not ready to graduate.  I'm excited, and I wouldn't trade it, but there is also that part of me that rebels at change.  As I walk across the platform, I will be marking change in my life in a definite and final way.  Will there be better chapters?  Most likely.  Would I stop the change if I could?  I don't believe so.  It's necessary.  But it's change…and change is change.  Enough said.

It's an interesting thought that one event can have so much impact in the life of a person.  No longer do I have the security blanket of a school schedule next year.  Things are not so solid anymore.  No longer will I have the safety of school rules and rule enforcers.  Oh, there will still be rules; there will still be people to enforce them, but it's going to be on a different level.  I'm going to walk across a platform where they will say that Douglas Wiseman has completed the requirements necessary to graduate with his degree…and now I’m ready to meet the world!  Or…that's what we all act like.  But everyone who has passed this step, and all of us who have not yet passed it, know, if we are truly honest with ourselves, that simply taking four years of school and completing the requirements do not make you ready for life.  No….  If we are all completely honest, I think we realize that now is where the real learning begins.  And the classroom of life is a far more harsh teacher than Mr. Jones or Pastor Gordeuk, Dr. Kaufman or Dr. McElwain.  Now is where the rubber meets the road.  This is where we realize that college wasn't so much about giving you all the answers for life as about teaching you how to find the answers to the questions that arise.

So now, I must pack the last four years of my life into a box labeled, "Hobe Sound Bible College Fall 2007 - Spring 2011; Bachelor in Missions with a minor in TESOL."  Memories must be laid to rest as memories.  Life must go on…and I sense this is only the beginning of times like this.  Bittersweet times where memories are accepted as such and the next stage of life is approached with vigor and vim!

To my friends…you have had such a tremendous impact on my life.  Thank you, to each of you.  I love you. Some of you are almost like family to me.

To my family…I love you.  Period.  I cannot even begin to express my thanks for your support through all of these years.  Thank you…thank you…thank you.  I love you far more than you know.

To my God.  I bow my heart before You, for without You, I would not exist in useful fashion.  Thank you.  All the glory of this night is Yours from the beginning.  It is not I, but You, O Christ.  I love You!

And now, graduation awaits!  Tonight I will be smiling—a real smile, for it is a time of joy.  But the melancholy part of me will be alive and functioning as well.  It will be a wonderful bittersweet mix…. Let's do it!

Always Amazing

The ocean never ceases to amaze me.  Most of the time it amazes me because it reminds me of some aspect of God.  Today, as I visited for the first time in awhile, it reminded me of how dependable God is.  

Every time I go to the ocean, it's still there doing what it's always done.  Sometimes it moves powerfully; sometimes it's subdued, but it's always moving.  Waves roll continually on the shore.  The way it expresses itself changes; sometimes it looks different—has different colors, different waves, different currents…but it's still the same ocean, doing the same things its always done.

God is a lot like that.  No matter how many generation pass, no matter how much people change or cultures change or standards change, no matter how much people try to deny God or make Him fit their box, GOD NEVER CHANGES.  Sometimes He looks different.  He expresses Himself to different people in different ways—that's why it's called a personal relationship.  Sometime He moves powerfully, sometimes He's like the smooth ocean with its quiet, gentle waves.  Sometimes He shows His power; always He shows His love.  No matter how He expresses Himself, He's always there, and He's always the same God doing the same things He's always done.  My God never ceases to amaze me….

The Things I Miss

It's amazing how much you miss when you aren't at home for most of the year.  The "for instance" that brings on this post is watching the videos of my "little" brother and sister playing their recital pieces.  They are SO GOOD!  And I've missed a lot of that progress.  My little brother had barely played at all when I left…if he had played at all.  I know it wasn't much.  Now he's playing like a natural!  My little sister has been good for a long time, but wow…she has improved so much!  She plays with passion and feeling that she hasn't always had.  It's really cool to see…and kind of sad to know that I've missed it.  But I'm proud of them…real proud of them….  =)

Face to Face With Faith

Tonight I was brought face to face with faith in a very real way.  It is easy for me to say that I put my faith in God, but there are some things about my very near future that are very uncertain at this point.  Without going into a lot of detail, suffice it to say that I am going into this next year knowing full well that I may very well be trusting God for some of the basics of life.  The job that I am taking is not lucrative.  I know that going into it, and I am fine with that.  I'm not looking for a job that makes me lots of money; I'm looking to do whatever work God has for me.  But part of me rose up tonight and said that I should lay certain conditions and senarios before my employers and say that if they aren't met, I'll have to do something else.  Obviously I have to have money for the very basic things of life, right?  I have to have housing, food, etc. 

But then suddenly I knew….  No.  I will make no such demands.  I serve Jehovah-Jireh—the Lord Will Provide!  It was Christ Himself Who said,

"So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink?  What will we wear?'  These things dominate the thoughts of unblievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.  Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.  So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today."  (Matthew 6:31-34)

I am not afraid.  I am resting in Him to provide everything that I need.  He knows best.  It is such a feeling of peace to be able to go into this next year knowing that I will be doing what He wants me to do and that He will be providing for me while I do it.

To Know Christ....

My heart is so full tonight at the awesomeness of God. I have been impressed strongly just in the last couple of days by the incredible personal relationship I can have with my Heavenly Father.  I can truly call Him "Father" and know that He hears me as a father.  I can truly bring anything before Him as a son.  Because of Christ, I am a son of God.  It is not because I am anything or because I deserve to be His son, but because I have the incredible privilege of placing my full faith in Christ knowing that because of Him, I have power to become a son of God.

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name.  (John 1:12 KJV)

My heart cries out tonight to know Christ, not just know about Him, but to KNOW Him—to experience Him in my life. I want to lose myself.  I want to give up everything I am for the incredible honor of knowing Him.  I cry along with the Apostle Paul:

Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.  For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him.  I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ.  For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith.  I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead.  I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!  (Philippians 3:8-11 NLT)

Oh, that I could know Him.  I have a deep longing inside to follow Paul's plea:

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.  (Romans 12:1-2 KJV)

I want to be transformed.  I want to "count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord…."  (the KJV of Philippians 3:8a)  I want to know Christ and give up who I am so that He can fill me and possess every iota of who I am.  I want to live as a citizen of Heaven and  think on the things of Heaven.  (Philippians 3:20 & Colossians 3:1-4)

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God's right hand.  Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.  For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.  And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.  (Colossians 3:1-4 NLT)

I want to be free of myself—to surrender my right to myself and take up my right to be a son of God.  I want to tell others of the freedom there is in Christ.  Paul also said:

Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.  Pray for us, too, that God will give us many opportunities to speak about his mysterious plan concerning Christ.  That is why I am here in chains.  Pray that I will proclaim this message as clearly as I should.  Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity.  Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.  (Colossians 4:2-6)

I'm so excited….  God is moving….  He's working in the lives people here and there, and I sense that power is about to be unleashed that I have never seen in my lifetime if I...if we will only listen…if we...will only hear the heartcry of our Father….